You've lost that lovin' feelin'

My blog should be singing this song to me these days! I can't seem to get back in any sort of groove for writing. Life changes are so interesting that way. My miscarriage seems to have knocked the wind right out of my sails. Not to worry. I'm not dwelling on sad things. I have just noticed that there has been a change in the things I write about in my blog (aka journal!) It took me until now to put my finger on what was different. I'm a sail without wind. The excitement for the little things seems to have become trivial. The desire is there to write meaningful recollections of our life and experiences. Just not the action. I'm no pro at writing, but I think it's what you would call writers block. It's frustrating!

Last night, Joel called to me from another room. He wanted permission to read my journal that was written in the throes of teenage angst and young adult growth. I absentmindedly agreed, busy with what I was doing. Then it occurred to me what he had just asked for. I ran to intercept. What must I have written all those years ago when relationships with friends and boys were the life blood to my writings. We ended up reading together for over 2 hours. It was altogether embarrassing, funny, sad, exciting, enlightening, entertaining, goofy, and did I mention, embarrassing? Reliving the silly things that a teenage girl finds of the utmost importance. We were both surprised to read some of the things that were handled so maturely at a tender age...that's not to say there were not plenty of immature things. THERE. WERE. But it was amazing to see the growth over the years. The way the written word helps to sort out the toughest of experiences in life. It really opened my eyes to how therapeutic writing is for me. Even at a young age I somehow recognized that.

My very last entry in that journal was the one telling the story about meeting my hubby. It was incomplete, and left the reader hanging, wondering what the whole story was. I never wrote another journal entry until the beginning of this blog, 8 years later. When I think of the things that were experienced over that time, and forgotten, only because I was experiencing 'writers block', Aaaahhhhhhgh! Joel will tell you I have the worst memory, so to have those things written down is priceless. A treasure trove of information for the prematurely alzheimer'ed memory that belongs to little me. I hope my readers will understand then, that I want so badly to have that back. To write unfettered. To tell the good, the bad, and maybe even some of the ugly...because it paints a true picture. Maybe I'll reach that point, maybe I won't. Maybe it'll take turning back to pen and paper. But I'll never know unless I try! So here's to a new adventure in blogging - a true picture! (Wish me luck!) ;)